we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
