Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
They took my balls.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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