I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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