when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Randomize
