I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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