well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
