please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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