when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
