if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Randomize
