That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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