I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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