go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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