can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
