I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
