so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
