The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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