he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Your penis caused this!
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
