And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
