I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
