And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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