I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
my sisters under your porch take her home
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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