we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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