u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
lets start a swedish sibling band together
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
