Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Sober January is a disaster.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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