Where are you?
In a non slutty way
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
