R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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