I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
