: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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