help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
