He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
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