Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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