# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
