Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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