you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
