Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
