Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
