my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I think I won the penis lottery.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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