what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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