i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
