One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Randomize
