I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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