Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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