I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
