So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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