The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
