dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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