do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
