I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
