Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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