He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
