I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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