im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
